I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
Amazon.com sucks.

This is a true story about a man named Haddox who thought he was getting a good deal on a DVD box set, but instead he got fucked in the ass by Amazon.com, the world's premier online retailer. On April 15th, one of my friends sent me a link to Amazon because they had the Naked Gun DVD box set on sale for $12.47. That's right, all three movies together, presented in the widescreen format, for roughly $4.16 each. At first, I was excited; who wouldn't be? Naked Gun kicks some major ass and that's a great fucking deal. As the initial excitement wore off, I started to become hesitant. I've ordered lots of shit online, but I've never ordered from anything from Amazon; I've heard too many horror stories about people doing their Christmas shopping on Amazon in early November and not getting the shit they ordered until January. However April isn't a holiday season, so I figured nothing could go wrong. I finally caved and ordered the box set on April 20th. I didn't need the DVDs in any real hurry, so I chose standard ground shipping. That same day I received electronic notification that my order had been processed and shipped. I was told to expect it between April 27th and April 29th. Here's the order info on my Amazon account:

The start of the bullshit.

So April 29th rolls around and it isn't here. OK, fine. I'm a fairly patient guy, so I decided to wait it out. But now it's May FUCKING 10th and my goddamn DVDs still aren't here. So then I decided to find out what the fuck was going on. Using the tracking number that Amazon provided me with, I went to the U.S. Postal Service's website to find out where my DVDs are. This is what I learned:

More bullshit.

The U.S. Postal Service HASN'T EVEN FUCKING RECEIVED THE PACKAGE YET. My DVDs are still sitting in a warehouse somewhere in Shithole, Iowa because Amazon is run by a bunch of corrupt, lazy fucks. If you don't order premium shipping, they could care less what happens to your order. Fuck you, Amazon. I'm never buying anything from you again. There's very little that you sell that I couldn't get cheaper elsewhere anyway.

Update 06-05-06

I contacted Amazon on Thursday and asked them where the fuck my DVDs were. Apparently, they got lost. Amazon sent out a new DVD set, and it arrived today.

1,289,919 people know that Amazon totally sucks ass.


Back to how much I rule...

2006 by Haddox