Do you ever find yourself wondering if you're an asshole? Because I do. I see you at the mall, at a sporting event, or at Sunday mass, and I wonder if you're an asshole. Sometimes I even wonder out loud. But earlier today, something wonderful happened: I devised a simple test that will let both of us know whether or not you're an asshole. And you know what the best part is? It's only ONE FUCKING QUESTION! Are you ready? Here it is....
When you go to the supermarket, do you leave your shopping carriage on one side of the aisle and then bend over and stare at the fucking cookies on the other side of the aisle while you ask the moron on other end of your fucking cell phone whether you should get the Chewy Chips Ahoy or the Fat Free Fig Newtons?
If you answered yes to the previous question, congratulations, you're a complete fucking asshole and you deserve to die the death of a terrorist. Seriously, what the fucking hell is wrong with you? What makes you think you have the right to block off an entire aisle just because you're too fucking worthless and indecisive to pick an item off the shelf and move on? NOTHING GIVES YOU THAT RIGHT. Oh yeah, and lose some weight. You're fat.
1,199,863 people just realized they're assholes.
© 2009 by Haddox