Yesterday some dumb bitch who was somehow on MySpace friends list sent out a bulletin comparing Coca-Cola and water. It said a whole bunch of boring stuff that I didn't care about, like how Coke supposedly "rots your teeth" and how water prevents so-called "dehydration". In short, it was a steaming pile of ignorant liberal bullshit aimed at undermining Coca-Cola and putting more money into the pockets of merciless multinational water corporations. Well, I for one am not going to allow such bullshit to go unchallenged. I have put together my own MySpace bulletin, one that takes a completely fair, reasonable, and factual look at water and Coca-Cola. Which one is REALLY the better product? Take a look...
1. On average, a gallon of water costs $2.99 USD.
2. Is the most popular drink among hippies, terrorists, and other social undesirables.
3. Starred in two of the biggest box office bombs of all-time, Waterworld and Cutthroat Island.
4. Is often polluted.
5. Is slowly eroding our coastlines in its bid for global domination.
6. Hitler drank it.
7. God hates water. He sent Jesus to Earth to change it all to wine.
8. Is often found in toilets.
9. Is home to dangerous bloodthirsty sharks and nuclear submarines.
1. On average, a 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola costs 0.99 USD.
2. Is endorsed by Santa Claus, Bill Cosby, and Max Headroom.
3. Gives hundreds of millions of dollars to charity every year.
4. Mixes well with rum, Jack Daniels, and other liquors.
5. Never hired that stupid whore Britney Spears as a spokeswoman.
6. Employs over 2,000,000 people worldwide.
7. Contains caffeine. Precious, precious caffeine.
8. Was invented by an American... in America.
Conclusion: FUCK WATER, DRINK COKE. If you still drink water after reading this, you're a stubborn asshole. Oh, and you're probably Hitler too.
1,069,938 people picked Coke over water in a blind taste test.
Back to how much I rule...
© 2007 by Haddox