Congratulations, you're brilliant.

Congratulations, you're brilliant.

The picture above is one of several similar memes I have seen going around Facebook for the last fucking week. My question is this: why in the holy blue fuck are people responding to this? I guess it must make some of you feel really goddamned smart, being able to figure out an answer to such a goddamned tricky question. Wow, what a confusing puzzle this is. I mean, fuck, look at you. You came up with "pig" in only like five seconds. I guess we better call up Stephen Hawking and tell him he can retire, because you're a certified fucking genius.

You have to be at least thirteen years old to sign up for Facebook. Thirteen. This is a brain teaser that anyone with rudimentary reading skills could solve. If any of you out there have a child who's in first grade or higher and that child can't fucking solve this, you should take them to a fucking neurologist so you can find out the exact scientific classification of completely fucking retarded that he or she is. To be clear, this isn't even a brain teaser. This is a very simple cognition test. The test here is to successfully think of an animal, successfully spell that animal's name, and then successfully identify if the word you just spelled has an "A" in it. If it does, try again, moron. If it doesn't, you fucking win.

What makes this meme so completely bizarre to me, is that "A" is not an especially common letter in animal names. In fact, many of the most recognizable animals do not have an "A" in their name. Dog. Cow. Chicken. Horse. Fish. Bird. Lion. Tiger. Pig. Crocodile. Eel. Emu. Northern Bobwhite.

And yet these posts get thousands upon thousand of fucking answers for reasons I cannot begin to fathom from people who think they're really fucking clever. I guess the lesson here is that stupid people like to feel like they're not quite so stupid. But they are stupid. So very, very stupid.

Name an animal which does not have the letter "A" in it. Yeah, and while you're at it, why don't you go watch fucking Blue's Clues reruns on fucking Netflix and scream the fucking answers at the fucking screen. Steve can totally hear you, you know. You dumb, worthless, vapid piece of shit.

1,953,071 people just realized "cat" is not a correct answer.

haddox@sydlexia.com

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