You damn kids have it too easy.

I fucking hate today's kids. Between their heelies and their Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, I'd like crack each one of them in the head with a steel baseball bat. Kids today don't have to work for anything, not even porn. When I was 11, acquiring porn was fucking a covert operation. It entailed you and your friend sneaking into his dad's sock drawer, taking one of his Playboy magazines, and then praying to fucking God that you were able to sneak it back in there before he noticed it was gone. These days, all a kid has to do is type "naked girls" into the unfiltered Google search engine and the first goddamn result is a porn site. Back in the day, we didn't have shit like that. We had to make our own porn, and I don't mean down in the basement with creepy old Mr. Winters. No, we had to create pornography MacGyver style, using everyday household objects. One such object was this:

Behold the girl from the Land O'Lakes butter box. With her inviting smile and infinite supply of butter, I bet she's a fucking dynamo in bed. After all, butter is nature's lubricant. The Land O'Lakes girl is pretty hot and you could probably jerk off to her as is, but you can turn her into softcore pornography with some creative folding:

OMG, IT'S BOOBS! It looks a lot better in color, I swear. This is what we had to work with back in 1993, back when I was twelve. We had to whack off to the Land O'Lakes girl and lingerie ads, the softest of softcore porn. Meanwhile you fucks get all whiny and upset when the girl in the interracial gangbang you just downloaded isn't as hot as you expected. You know what? Fuck you.

1,559,855 people would bang the Land O'Lakes girl in the ass.

haddox@sydlexia.com

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© 2006 by Haddox