I fucking hate New Year's Eve. What a bullshit fucking holiday. Ooh, a number changes on the calendar, big fucking deal. New Year's Eve is not a holiday for young people; it's a fucking holiday for the elderly. And by the elderly, I mean anyone over the age of 35. New Year's Eve is a weak excuse for people who lead dull corporate lives to get really fucking drunk, stay up all fucking night, and scream like fucking morons. Since these fucking people lead lives that are fucking devoid of any fun or meaningful purpose, being able to do such things is a big deal to them. But for the rest of us, those of us who actually fucking know how to live our lives properly, New Year's Eve is nothing special. Oh, so you got drunk as fucking hell on New Year's Eve, stayed up til three in the fucking morning and kissed someone you barely fucking knew?
I do that shit FIVE NIGHTS A WEEK. For me, New Year's Eve 2007 isn't going to be any fucking different from any other Monday night. I'm gonna fucking rock out with my cock out and fucking puke in the bathtub of whichever fucking asshole was fucking stupid enough to invite me to his or her party. Then I'm going to fucking wake up Tuesday morning and stumble into work with a massive fucking hangover. I think that's what pisses me off most about New Year's Eve; most of these worthless fucking faggots who get drunk as hell on New Year's Eve only do it because they don't have to work the next morning. Then on January 2nd, they head back to their pathetic fucking jobs teaching elementary school or managing mutual funds and lie about how much they drank:
"Hey there Bill, what'd you do on New's Year Eve?"
"Damned if I remember. I drank like a bottle and a half of wine."
No you didn't, you fucking queer. You drank two Coors and a fucking wine cooler, and then you passed the fuck out because you're a fucking pansy. If I ever become president, I'm going to issue an executive fucking order that all places of business must be fucking open on New Year's Day, because if you can't fucking work through an eight hour day on three hours sleep with a nasty ass hangover, then you don't deserve to fucking live. People who don't show up for work on New Year's Day will be beaten and sodomized by silverback gorillas and the resulting physical and psychological trauma will almost certainly force these unpatriotic souls to learn to fucking drink properly. If it doesn't, I'll make them listen to that shitty U2 song "New Year's Day" on loop. That oughta do it.
1,398,437 don't give a fucking shit about New Year's Eve.
© 2007 by Haddox