DEATH TO SPORTS RADIO.

Last week, WBCN, one of Boston's longest running rock radio stations was taken off the air by its owner, CBS, so that they could launch an FM sports station to compete against the area's two popular AM sports stations. And I have to wonder, why do we even fucking need sports radio? The answer is simple: we don't. Look, I like sports, okay? I like watching the Red Sox and the Patriots, and to a much lesser extent, the Celtics and the Bruins. I watch them on TV whenever I can, and when I'm able to get tickets, I go to the games. But I have never felt the need to listen to games on the radio. Especially now, in the age of smartphones, where you can fucking check scoreboards at a moment's notice, I don't see the point. And honestly, if you're not watching a game, you might as well just be checking the scores on your phone. No one fucking gives a shit if you *heard* the Red Sox win the 2004 World Series. Either you watched it, or you're a fucking douchebag traitor; go suck Derek Jeter's dick. The bottom line is this: if you didn't see it on TV or live, you're going to lie to your kids and grandkids and say you did, just like every single person in America just magically happened to be watching TV when that second plane hit the World Trade Center.

The fact is this, sports radio is dangerous. It caters to a sports-obsessed subsection of the populace who choose to live vicariously through the actions of other, significantly more athletic people. With hardcore sports fans, not a waking moment goes by when they're not thinking about sports. If they're not at the game, they're watching it at home. If they're not watching at home, they're watching it a bar. If there's not a game on, they're watching highlights and replays on NESN. If they're at work, they're on the ESPN forums. If they're not on the ESPN forums, they're adjusting their fantasy teams on Yahoo. If they're not adjusting checking their fantasy teams, they're whining about some trade on their blog and checking their blogroll to see what others are saying. And if they're not doing any of those things, they're in a car and they're either listening to a game or sports talk. It never fucking ends.

Now look, we all have our hobbies. Some people like sports. Some people smoke crack. Me, I enjoy video games. I spend probably about 15 hours a week playing video games. But the difference is, I stop. I don't lie awake at night wondering if Nintendo's 2010 line-up will be stronger than their 2009 line-up, and I don't show up at parties hoping to start a fucking argument with someone over it. When I'm not playing video games, I do other things, and I think about other things. Hell, even a crack addict has moments in a day when he isn't thinking about crack. But people who listen to sports radio don't have that. It's all sports, all the fucking time. It reminds me of that episode of Home Improvement where Tim is supposed to take Jill out for a nice dinner, but he wants to watch the Lions game, so he smuggles a miniature TV into the restaurant. See, Tim can't even spend one lousy hour not thinking about sports. Not one fucking hour. And there are people out there who have the same problem. Only in real life, it's not funny. It's perverse. And sports radio is to blame.

Death to sports radio. Bring back WBCN.

1,336,558 people can't admit they have a serious fucking problem.

haddox@sydlexia.com

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© 2009 by Haddox