Why I will NEVER join Team Coco.

I love Conan O'Brien. If I was a girl, I would totally fuck him. But then TMZ would find about it, and he'd have to admit it on air, and his wife would get mad him and shit. Also I'd probably get pregnant, which would be awesome, because I bet I'd get some huge fucking child support payments from him. Unfortunately, while I think Conan is fucking hilarious and I am disappointed with the way his career at NBC ended, I will NEVER NEVER NEVER join Team Coco. Here's why: their name is completely fucking gay.

Seriously, what worthless moron decided that Team Coco would be a good name to use to rally support behind Conan? It sounds like one of those sugar-filled cereal that small children and fat thirtysomething virgins shovel down their glib gullets every morning. Unless I missed something, the guy you're supporting is named Conan O'Brien, right? So here's an idea: HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING CALL IT TEAM CONAN? Conan is a completely fucking badass name. Not only is it the name of a hilarious comedian, it's also the name of that awesome fucking barbarian who went around killing shit with swords. And death by sword is what Jeff Zucker and the other idiots at NBC who caused this whole mess deserve. So if the rest of you whiny little faggots want to support something called Team Coco, go right ahead. But those of you who aren't borderline retarded can join me on the newer, better team - TEAM CONAN. Not only is our name better, but it's written in all caps BECAUSE WE MEAN FUCKING BUSINESS. So join TEAM CONAN today.

Oh, and whoever came up with the Team Coco name, I hope you get raped. In fact, I am currently training some Rottweilers for that purpose. You can pray that I won't find you... but I will. Enjoy your rape!

1,677,983 people are dreading their inevitable rapes.


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