The following people should not ever be
allowed out of their homes.

I haven't updated in a while, so I figured I should. This one of those updates where I'm writing something for sole purpose of placating all you assholes who are pissed off that there hasn't been anything new on the site and not because I have any real interest in writing. Frankly, I'm quite content to rest on my glorious pirate laurels and do nothing. As a result, this will be a subpar entry. If you don't like it, too fucking bad; you all suck anyway. Oh, but you should still buy shitloads of my shitty merchandise. Anyway, here's a list of people who should never ever be allowed out of their homes again:

• Little old ladies who have less hair than their husbands.

• People who are missing teeth.

• Fat people who wear shorts.

• White chicks who refer to their equally white female friends as "chicas".

• Old people who walk around with their mouths hanging open because they've lost control of their jaw muscles.

• Recovering burn victims with giant purple splotches on their face.

• Women who don't know how much perfume is too much.

• Guys who address male retail employees as any of the following: buddy, boss, pal.

• People who show up two hours early for rock concerts and sit in the venue's parking lot listening to the SAME FUCKING SONGS that they're going to hear the band play that night.

• Vince McMahon.

• The Pussycat Dolls.

Maybe instead of keeping all these assholes locked in their homes, we could find a special place to send them so that I never have to look at them again. I'm hesitant to go as far as to suggest a death camp... but yeah, a death camp.

1,284,836 people think Dick Cheney and Ryan Seacrest should have been my banal pop culture targets.

haddox@sydlexia.com

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© 2006 by Haddox