Every now and then I like to go through my site logs and see who's linking to me. Usually I come across some half-assed phpBB forum where some total jack-offs are discussing all sorts of boring shit that I could give a fuck less about, like arguing about which Ranma 1/2 character is the "hottest" or seeing who can find the coolest pictures on one of those stupid goddamn LiveJournal image trollers. Usually I try to ignore these pathetic slivers of webspace, but if I find one that sucks badly enough, I'll join up and try to run it into the fucking ground. Ruining a forum is easy than you might think and it's loads of fun once you know what you're doing. The trick is to avoid words; many would-be trolls try to ruin forums by picking fights with established members and posting lengthy ad-hominem attacks against them. This will certainly cause trouble, but it'll get you banned really fucking quick. Instead, the trick is to post the same seemingly harmless images over and over again. Images are distracting, they slow down page load times, and they make forum members do a little extra scroll work. Not only that, they won't break the forum rules. In order to truly be effective, you should find one image that's kinda funny and post it whenever possible until everyone is so fucking sick of it that they start flaming you. At that point, you can complain to the moderators that people are "being mean to you" and start some REAL trouble. What sort of image should you use to pull this off? Here's an example:
The O RLY owl is the epitome of a harmless image that will eventually annoy the fuck out of everyone who views it. The problem is that everyone's already seen it. If you join a forum and start posting the O RLY owl over and over again, people are going to figure out what you're up to. You're going to need something they haven't seen before, something that will confound and amuse them before your repeated postings makes them hate it. You need something like Safari Joe:
Safari Joe is an obscure cartoon villain who appeared in one episode of Thundercats and was never heard from again. He was fond of yelling "Safari Joe does it again!" and he hunted the Thundercats for sport until he was bested by Lion-O and Snarf. If you want to clutter up some forums with a stupid random image, you're going to want something like this:
Or if you want something that's slightly more entertaining and will take longer to load, you can always use an animated GIF:
And that's basically all you need to know. If you're too lazy to make your own images, hotlink mine. Consider them my gift to you, the worthless peons who read my ridiculously awesome site. Now get out there are ruin some forums.
1,066,395 Safari Joes have done it again.
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