Fuck you, I'll eat what I want.

You know, I'm a fucking adult. As an adult, I feel that I have the right to eat whatever the fuck I want without receiving a goddamn lecture about it. Since I only weigh 140 pounds, I feel that I've properly demonstrated that I know how to keep myself in shape. Unfortunately, other people don't see it that way. Sometimes I'll be sitting at my desk with a bag of McDonald's or Taco Bell and someone will come up to me and say "Oh my god... how can you eat that junk?" Well, I'll tell you how: BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE THE WAY IT TASTES! Yes, I know a Big Mac is made from low quality beef. Yes, I can fucking see the grease dripping off it. But guess what? I LIKE IT. I'm sick of self-righteous douchebags trying to tell me what I can and cannot eat. They'll tell me things like "You know, you shouldn't eat those french fries. They're made with partially hydrogenated oils and I read this thing one time that told me that they turn into plastic in your stomach or something." Well I don't care. My doctor says that I'm in excellent health, so I'm not particularly worried that my weekly indulgence of a King-sized Texas Double Whopper meal from BK is going to fucking kill me. But these people don't care about something as trivial as my physician's medical opinion. It doesn't matter that I exercise, drink orange juice, and eat fruit on a regular basis. No, all that matters is some shitty movie they saw where Morgan Spurlock gained a lot of weight. Don't get me wrong, Super Size Me would have been a powerful movie if it hadn't been so goddamn disingenuous. Morgan Spurlock didn't get fat because he ate McDonald's; he got fat because he ate unreasonable amounts of food and limited his mobility. You could do the same thing with almost any other food. If Morgan Spurlock's goal was to show us all that acting like a douchebag will make you fat, he succeeded. If his goal was to show us that fast food is unhealthy, then he wasted his time because everyone knows that fast food is unhealthy. Unfortunately, neither of those things were his primary goal. Spurlock's goal was to rake in shitloads of money through histrionics and alarmism. Sadly, Americans are just as gullible as Spurlock assumed they were and his plan succeeded. And now I have to listen to people rehash his bullshit because I enjoy a Beef Gordita Supreme every now and then. Fuck you, I'll eat what I want.

1,293,016 people just made a Taco Bell run.


Back to how much I rule...

2006 by Haddox