4 things that need to change in online porn distribution.

4 things that need to change in online porn distribution.

Porn is the most pirated media on the internet, and also the one that's been pirated for the longest amount of time. Because of this, you'd think the pirates would know what they're doing. Well, they fucking don't. Pirated porn has a lot of outdated, stupid, and backwards thinking involved in its distribution. Here are four things that need to change:

1. Stop uploading shit in super ultra HD.
High definition video is the best, isn't? Not when it comes to porn. Why in the hell would I want to watch porn in HD? So I can see the girls' implant scars better? NO FUCKING THANKS. Don't get me wrong, the stuff shouldn't look like it was encoded with RealVideo circa 1999, but you reach a point when the quality is good enough. There is absolutely no reason I need this shit encoded at 1080p, especially not when a single scene takes up in excess of a gigabyte of space at that definition. I have bandwith limits, assholes. A single scene running within the normal average of 15-20 minutes should be encoded in such a way that it doesn't exceed 300-500 MB of disk space. We're not watching this shit on the big screen TV in the living room, guys. At least, those of us who aren't convicted sex offenders aren't.

2. This isn't 2002, stop encoding like it is.
There was a time when computers didn't come with a lot of hard drive space. And so, it was standard practice to split feature length porn movies into two separate files, neither of which would exceed 700 MB, so that they could be copied onto CDs. The files, usually named cd1.avi and cd2.avi were always split with consideration as to what would make them fit onto CDs and not what would make them more enjoyable to view. In nearly every case, cd1.avi ends in the middle of a scene. Now, as I said, there was a time when such encoding was necessary. But that time has passed and people are still doing it. STOP IT. Anyone still using CD-Rs for anything is a fucking dinosaur, and they don't deserve to be catered to.

3. ISOs are fucking stupid.
Sometimes people provide ISOs of full porn movies, so that you burn them DVD. No fucking thanks. What the fuck do I want to burn it to DVD for? So that when I die, I have a bunch of embarrassing porn DVDs lying around for someone to find? No thanks, I'll keep it in password protected folder on my computer, which I will arrange to have deleted by one of my friends after my passing. Or maybe on a removable drive that can be smashed and thrown out. On top of that, an ISO takes up roughly five times as much space as a DivX-encoded rip of the movie. Sure, I can mount the ISO to a drive and then re-encode it myself, but I shouldn't have to. It should be done for me. The only reason that it isn't done for me is because someone douchebag wants to make the upload/download ratio look better by upping a large file. Which brings me to my final point...

4. Torrent sites: get rid of fucking ratios.
There was a time when it seemed like the internet would be a place of limitless speeds and limitless downloads. And then ISPs realized that if they gave us unlimited speed and bandwith, we'd use it to the pirate hell of out of everything. Not wanting to be associated with such acts and facing pressure from non-porngraphic companies that didn't want their materials illegally distributed, many ISPs began instituting monthly bandwith caps. Similarly, many universities and colleges reserve the right to terminate your service with or without warning if your bandwith usage seems "suspicious". And yet, many torrent sites seem unsympathetic to this. If you do not upload more than you download, you are considered a leech, and your requests, concerns, and opinions are immediately dismissed. I'm fucking sorry, but I shouldn't have to spend twice as much bandwith on a file as it costs, just so I can remain a member of a community. What the fuck is the point? Is shared culpability supposed to bring us closer together? It doesn't. Try watching, I don't know, ANY GODDAMN FILM NOIR EVER MADE and you'll see that. Ratios don't mean shit. Being the best seeder on a site doesn't matter when the site suddenly shuts down. Isn't that right, Cheggit users? You know damn well that it is.

1,279,272 people are psyched someone else had the balls to attack ratios.


Back to how much I rule...

© 2012 by Haddox