I don't know why I have a fucking Facebook. Okay, that's not true. I know exactly I fucking have it: because no girl wants anything to with you if she doesn't have the option of being able to someday announce that you're going out with her via her Facebook relationship status. And so, I have a goddamn Facebook. But all it ever does is make me angry at people, and it's the kind of angry that makes me want to crash airplanes into skyscrapers. For example, a girl I knew in high school recently announced through Facebook that she's expecting her third child. Now, I'm nice enough guy most of the time, and I'm usually not one to pass up the opportunity to congratulate a girl on her ability to be thrice fertile. Unfortunately, such was not the fucking case. See, this girl is only expecting her third child BECAUSE SHE FUCKING CONSIDERS HER STUPID FUCKING PETS TO BE CHILDREN.
Yes, friends, that picture above is the actual photo she used to announce her pregnancy. She stuffed her dumb little pets in hideous fucking sweaters with pathetic little "jokes" written on them, took a picture of them, then uploaded it to Facebook with the following caption: MY THIRD CHILD IS ON THE WAY! To accomplish this, she had to fucking FIND these stupid sweaters, pay actual money for them, and then get her pets to sit fucking still so she could take the photograph. And all the comments on the goddamn photo were about how "cute" it is. It's NOT cute. It's vapid and lame. People who find shit like this to be cute are the worst type of people in the entire world. They are dim-witted losers who are ruining our gene pool, and they ought to be dragged out into the streets and shot over and over and over again.
Bitch, in case you ever see this, here are my words to you: Your pets aren't children, you're a fucking idiot, and I really, REALLY hope you consider having an abortion because you are not fit to raise real live human children.
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