Why in the hell do people have wireless headsets for their cellphones? What's so damned fucking important in your dumb little life that you need to be able to take hands-free phone calls while you peruse the new DVD releases at Target? What, are you a stockbroker or something? Are you a sports agent? Are you Jerry Fucking Maguire? No, you're not. You're a douchebag, and you look fucking ridiculous.
Look, I fucking get it, okay? Walking around making wireless calls makes you feel like a fucking big shot, and you think that if you feel like a fucking big shot, maybe some girls will think you're a big shot and ask if they can take turns putting their mouths on your penis. Unfortunately, there's a major fucking flaw in that plan: WHEN YOU WALK AROUND IN PUBLIC PLACES WITHOUT A READILY VISIBLE PHONE AND CARRY ON CONVERSATIONS WITH UNSEEN BEINGS, YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING COMPLETE LUNATIC. That's right, asshole, that cute girl who's staring at you and giggling with her slightly overweight friend thinks you're, like, an escaped mental patient or something. So even though you dropped $400 on newest fucking smartphone another $100 on a really nice fucking headset, women find you about as sexy as a homeless guy. Good work, you goddamn moron. Now why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself?
1,282,916 guys just threw out their wireless headsets.
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