It's the thought that counts and you're an asshole.

At the supermarket that I frequent, they play an advertisement over their intercom system that touts their gift cards as the perfect gift to give friends and loved ones this holiday season. And every time I hear it, I want to find the fucking retarded marketing director who thought that this ad was good idea and punch him - or her - in the motherfucking face over and over until they fucking die. Why? Because a gift card is not the fucking "perfect" present to give your friends and family. In fact, it's the single most thoughtless thing you can give someone. When you give someone a gift card, you're admitting that you are either too fucking stupid, fucking lazy, or fucking selfish to actually pick out a gift for the person in question. So instead, you're giving them money so that they can pick out something themselves. But it's not even REAL money! It's money that they can only spend at one specific store! And since you apparently don't know this person well enough to pick out an actual present, you're probably not even smart enough to pick a store they like either. You probably got that person an FYE gift card, not realizing that their prices are terrible and that NO ONE FUCKING BUYS COMPACT DISCS ANYMORE. On top of that, the gift card has a dollar amount written on it, so the person you bought it for knows exactly how much you spent on them... and it was $20 less than they spent on you. Nice work, shithead.

But buying an FYE gift card isn't the worst thing you could do. No, the worst fucking thing you do is buy someone a gift card to the supermarket. When you give someone a fucking supermarket gift card, you are implying one or both of the following items:

• The person is a complete fucking fatass who loves to fucking eat.
• The person is too fucking poor to afford food.

So now, not only have you given the person a completely impersonal gift, you've also made them feel like shit. Great work asshole, you've ruined Christmas. Maybe you should convert to a different religion, because Christianity doesn't seem to be working out for you. Or maybe you should just fucking kill yourself.

1,006,076 people still have gift cards left over from last year.

haddox@sydlexia.com

Back to how much I rule...

© 2008 by Haddox