There's a fun new dance that anyone can do. It's called the Senility Shuffle and it's currently a big hit in Arizona and Florida, and it's sweeping through retirement communities across the country. It's so easy, even an elderly person with diminished motor skills and no short term memory can do it. Even if you're one of those freaky old people whose jaw muscles have atrophied and your mouth hangs open all the time, which is totally fucking gross by the way, even YOU can do the Senility Shuffle! Just follow these easy steps:
1. Walk up to a display case in any store. When an employee asks you if you need help, ignore them, either because you're in the early stages of dementia, or because you can't read and you took the wrong pills this morning. That, or you're fucking deaf.
2. Stare at the case for another five minutes.
3. Walk away from the display case for a few minutes.
4. Walk back up to the display case. When an employee asks you if you need help, say not yet.
5. After a few minutes have gone by, ask the employee a really fucking stupid question.
6. Walk away from the case.
7. Walk back up to the case. When the same employee asks you if you need help again, say not yet.
8. After a few minutes have gone by, ask the employee another really fucking stupid question.
9. Walk away from the case.
10. Walk back up to the case. When a new employee asks you if you need help, yet again, say not yet.
11. After a few minutes have gone by, ask the employee your original fucking stupid question, which you forget that you've already asked because you're completely worthless.
12. Walk away from the case.
13. Walk back up to the case. Wait for service. When everyone ignores you, become indignant and make a mental note to complain to the manager.
14. Walk away from the case.
15. You've already forgotten why you were angry and what you were about to do. Walk back up to the case.
16. Suddenly, I come out of nowhere and punch you in the face over and over again until you're dead.
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© 2009 by Haddox