Vaginas are gay.

If there is one thing that I absolutely can't stand, it's vaginas. Out of all of the things in existence, I can only think of two that are more poorly designed than vaginas: the platypus and the original XBox. Seriously, these things are awful. If you actually enjoy vaginas, you're a total fucking moron. Here's why:

• Girls have to sit down to take a piss. The great thing about having a penis is that you can whip it out anytime and let it do its thing. One time I was walking by a pirate orphanage when I noticed it was on fire. Well needless to say, I whipped out my dick, drenched those kids in my urine, and saved the day. Later that same day, one of my less manly friends was in Abercrombie & Fitch shopping for clothes with his girlfriend when suddenly he burst into flames. By the time the bitch was ready to pee on him, he was already dead.

• It bleeds for no reason. When my dick starts bleeding, I know something is fucking wrong. With a vagina, you never know if it's syphilis or just par for the course.

• Girls use their periods as an excuse for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. One time my girlfriend refused to make me a sandwich, wash my laundry, blow me, make my bed, do my taxes, organize my video games, and come up with a list of ten reasons why I'm great, all because she was on her period. She apologized once her period was over, but I still slapped her around a little bit to remind her of her place in society.

• Orgasms take forever. When I want a release, I can rub one out in 96 seconds flat. Girls need all sorts of foreplay before they can cum. The worst part is that modern society plays into this shit like it's actually important. Why the fuck do I care if my bitch has an orgasm? In the twenty-two minutes that it takes me to my pleasure my woman, I could have watched that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns sings "See My Vest". And you know what? Mr. Burns is a lot less nasty looking than a vagina, especially an unshaved vagina.

So there it is, my completely fair and balanced list of why vaginas are stupid. If you still think vaginas are cool, you're a biased piece of shit. One of these days, when I'm not too busy being a pirate, I am going to organize a lynch mob to go on a vagina seek-and-destroy mission. We'll fucking burn those cunts to the ground.

1,241,953 pussy-whipped retards still think vaginas are cool.

haddox@sydlexia.com

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© 2005 by Haddox