Listen up, you stupid fucking fanboys with your dumpy faces and your grease-stained sweatpants, because I've got some important fucking news for you: the famous slogan from your beloved graphic novel ain't so fucking great. Who watches the watchmen? Seriously? Here's a better question: who the fuck cares? The important thing is that someone's fucking doing it. I'm sick of people telling me how fucking profound that question is, because it's not. It's like a fucking Mad Lib; you can replace "watch" with any other verb and the overall impact remains the same. Observe:
Who polices the policemen?
Who cons the conmen?
Who hunts the huntsmen?
Who hits the hitmen?
Who repairs the repairmen?
Who marks the marksmen?
Who trades the tradesmen?
Who fronts the frontmen?
Who fires the firemen?
Who mails the mailmen?
Who milks the milkmen?
Who henches the henchmen?
Who grooms the groomsmen?
Who yeos the yeomen?
Who wings the wingmen?
Who congresses the congressmen?
Who sees the semen?
Who clergies the clergymen?
Who Chinas the Chinamen?
Who lizards the lizardmen?
Who supers the Nazi supermen?
Who ras the ramen?
Who woes the women?
Who longshores the longshoremen?
Who species the specimen?
I could keep going, but you get the fucking idea. Watchmen is stupid, and you're stupid for liking it. Go die.
1,857,952 fanboys didn't know that it was the Roman poet Juvenal, not Alan Moore, who coined the famous phrase.
© 2009 by Haddox