Your kids aren't cute, and I hope you die.

Why the fuck do people post videos of their stupid ugly children on YouTube? Guess what assholes, no one wants to see your gay little home videos. YouTube exists solely for the illegal distribution of old television shows, music videos, and clips from last week's Family Guy. If you are using it for anything else, YOU FUCKING FAIL. And the last thing that anyone else wants to see is your sad fucking attempts to turn your child's douchebaggery into the next big viral video, especially if your kid is singing or dancing. Here are some prime examples of what NOT to post on YouTube:

1. Child being pressured by an adult.

Watching this video makes me very uncomfortable, and not just because the dumb bitch who filmed it has the most annoying voice ever. What makes this video really upsetting is that the kid clearly doesn't want to dance, and she keeps trying to gently coax him into doing it anyway. You know, just like a fucking pedophile. What we are seeing here is the beginning of a long, horrible cycle of sexual abuse. First they'll have him dancing to Sesame Street videos, then they'll have him sucking dicks for money in Thailand. SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!

2. Child singing explicit lyrics.

Nice work dickwad, you taught your kid to sing some shitty ass Top 40 song filled with sexually charged content. What in the fuck is wrong with you? Do you WANT your kid to get raped? When your son's semen-soaked body turns up in drainage ditch six hours after he offers to give a balding Norwegian a milky milky ride, don't come crying to me. This is own your damn fault.

3. Little girl dancing like a stripper.

So you've taught your daughter to dance like a whore, outstanding work. By the time she's twelve she'll be an ACTUAL whore, and you know what your cut will be? NOTHING. Hell, you'll be lucky if her pimp doesn't knife-rape you to death for even asking. Oh and by the way, /b/tards are masturbating to this video right now on 4chan. But that's not your fault, because there's no way you could have known that would happen. I mean, who ever could have possibly predicted that if you teach a little girl to do a suggestive dance that it would give child molesters massive boners? No one, that's who. Oh wait, anyone who isn't COMPLETELY FUCKING RETARDED could have seen that coming. But your kid won't see it cumming until it's too late.

Consider this my final warning. Parents, stop using YouTube to post all the unfunny bullshit you've filmed that even America's Funniest Home Videos wouldn't touch because it's so fucking stupid. No one is watching your goddamn videos except for pedophiles. So unless you're trying to get your children abducted, cut the shit. And if your kids ever do get abducted, me and John Walsh are gonna hunt your ass down and kick the piss out of you. Hell even if they don't, I'm probably still going to kick the piss out of you. YOU SUCK AT PARENTING.

1,679,915 people still think they'll get to be on the Tonight Show if they teach their daughter to sing Flo Rida songs.

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© 2008 by Haddox