Welcome to...
The Best Page in the Universe 2008 archive

This page is about me, a mathematics major and ex-telemarketer, and my overly masculine posturing to the contrary. PS: I'm a pirate.

FAQ Hatemail News Stats

Everything I say is awesome.

Update (12-25-08): Sorry douchebags, I still haven't written anything new.

It's the thought that counts and you're an asshole.
(Updated: 12-19-08)

Your kids aren't cute, and I hope you die.
(Updated: 10-25-08)

Cheerios are the work of Satan.
(Updated: 09-24-08)

(Updated: 09-11-08)

How a store puts itself out of business.
(Updated: 09-09-08)

More stupid shit that girls put in their AIM profiles.
(Updated: 09-05-08)

Help prevent child rape.
(Updated: 07-06-08)

Yahoo's news portal is fucking gay.
(Updated: 04-16-08)

(Updated: 02-14-08)

New Year's Eve is fucking gay.
(Updated: 12-30-07)

Hey cheerleaders, you're not getting my fucking money.
(Updated: 12-04-07)

Coke vs. water: a Myspace bulletin.
(Updated: 09-29-07)

Everyone at Hillshire Farm is a fucking terrorist.
(Updated: 08-25-07)

Larry Bird's Johnson is dead.
(Updated: 07-12-07)

Iceland will be closed until April 22nd.
(Updated: 04-16-07)

An easy way to ruin internet forums.
(Updated: 03-23-07)

I make songs better.
(Updated: 03-06-07)

88 first person shooters that suck less than Halo 2.
(Updated: 01-11-07)

8 reasons why it's time to forgive Mel Gibson.
(Updated: 12-04-06)

Shame on you, White America.
(Updated: 11-19-06)

There was no JFK assassination you morons.
(Updated: 10-23-06)

(Updated: 09-11-06)

The following people should not ever be allowed out of their homes.
(Updated: 09-09-06)

Joe Cocker sucks.
(Updated: 08-07-06)

(Updated: 07-18-06)

Fuck you, I'll eat what I want.
(Updated: 06-24-06)

My plan to save America.
(Updated: 06-10-06)

Learn to fucking speak.
(Updated: 05-30-06)

Amazon.com sucks.
(Updated: 05-10-06)

You damn kids have it too easy.
(Updated: 04-25-06)

Five stupid places where girls get tattoos.
(Updated: 04-20-06)

Barney is dead.
(Updated: 04-02-06)

Serving sizes are bullshit.
(Updated: 03-27-06)

People with muscular dystrophy are pricks.
(Updated: 03-16-06)

Proof that God exists.
(Updated: 03-09-06)

Stupid shit that girls put in their AIM profiles.
(Updated: 03-03-06)

Who is a better person: George W. Bush or Jesus Christ? An objective analysis.
(Updated: 02-26-06)

Run out of ideas for contrived porn sites? Steal one of mine.
(Updated: 02-18-06)

Underage drinking? Try a gay bar.
(Updated: 02-06-06)

Oliver Reed is the greatest man who ever lived.
(Updated: 01-26-06)

More crappy dead people's art work.
(Updated: 01-07-06)

Suck my dick.
(Updated: 12-25-05)

The South should have won the Civil War.
(Updated: 12-08-05)

I am better than dead people.
(Updated: 11-11-05)

Vaginas are gay.
(Updated: 10-01-05)

Is your page good enough to bear the coveted

Do you rule enough?

Probably not, you worthless piece of shit. Fuck off.

Pirates Rule

Here are some pages that don't suck:

Special thanks to God for His eternal love:

Special thanks to Syd Lexia for hosting this site since 20XX and on:

My page (It kicks ass)
My page (It kicks ass)
My page from 2007 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2006 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2005 (It kicks ass)
The list that started it all (It kicks ass)

Some guy I've never fucking heard of.
You're the man now dog!
The saddest caveman in the world.
The Nintendo Revolution
Church of Satan
Kurtis Stryker
Change your bullshit browser to Internet Explorer.

Fan Sites:


More links...

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© 2005-2008 by Haddox