Your pets are not children and I hope you get an abortion.
(Updated: 12-22-10)

Yoshi's Story: The Creepypasta
(Updated: 12-18-10)

Campaign signs and the idiots who love them.
(Updated: 11-02-10)

My review of Scars of Mirrodin.
(Updated: 09-27-10)

Every new show on NBC sucks.
(Updated: 09-21-10)

Avril Lavigne: date rape is "complicated".
(Updated: 05-25-10)

Today, I saw a car accident.
(Updated: 03-14-10)

Why I will never join Team Coco.
(Updated: 01-17-10)

How to ensure you get shitty service at a supermarket deli.
(Updated: 12-09-09)

Who the fuck falls for this shit?
(Updated: 10-13-09)

Death to sports radio.
(Updated: 08-20-09)

Do the Senility Shuffle!
(Updated: 08-01-09)

How to play guitar like a complete fucking douchebag.
(Updated: 07-08-09)

The most concise review of Transformers 2 you'll ever read.
(Updated: 07-02-09)

All lesbians are liars.
(Updated: 06-29-09)

Take off that goddamn headset.
(Updated: 06-24-09)

Your dick shouldn't fit inside this.
(Updated: 03-24-09)

WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?
(Updated: 03-03-09)

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
(Updated: 02-28-09)

Are you a douchebag? Take my test and find out!
(Updated: 02-04-09)

It's the thought that counts and you're an asshole.
(Updated: 12-19-08)

Your kids aren't cute, and I hope you die.
(Updated: 10-25-08)

Cheerios are the work of Satan.
(Updated: 09-24-08)

A DAY TO REMEMBER.
(Updated: 09-11-08)

How a store puts itself out of business.
(Updated: 09-09-08)

More stupid shit that girls put in their AIM profiles.
(Updated: 09-05-08)

Help prevent child rape.
(Updated: 07-06-08)

Yahoo's news portal is fucking gay.
(Updated: 04-16-08)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
(Updated: 02-14-08)

New Year's Eve is fucking gay.
(Updated: 12-30-07)

Hey cheerleaders, you're not getting my fucking money.
(Updated: 12-04-07)

Coke vs. water: a Myspace bulletin.
(Updated: 09-29-07)

Everyone at Hillshire Farm is a fucking terrorist.
(Updated: 08-25-07)

Larry Bird's Johnson is dead.
(Updated: 07-12-07)

Iceland will be closed until April 22nd.
(Updated: 04-16-07)

An easy way to ruin internet forums.
(Updated: 03-23-07)

I make songs better.
(Updated: 03-06-07)

88 first person shooters that suck less than Halo 2.
(Updated: 01-11-07)

8 reasons why it's time to forgive Mel Gibson.
(Updated: 12-04-06)

Shame on you, White America.
(Updated: 11-19-06)

There was no JFK assassination you morons.
(Updated: 10-23-06)

NEVER FORGET.
(Updated: 09-11-06)

The following people should not ever be allowed out of their homes.
(Updated: 09-09-06)

Joe Cocker sucks.
(Updated: 08-07-06)

END ROAD WORK.
(Updated: 07-18-06)

Fuck you, I'll eat what I want.
(Updated: 06-24-06)

My plan to save America.
(Updated: 06-10-06)

Learn to fucking speak.
(Updated: 05-30-06)

Amazon.com sucks.
(Updated: 05-10-06)

You damn kids have it too easy.
(Updated: 04-25-06)

Five stupid places where girls get tattoos.
(Updated: 04-20-06)

Barney is dead.
(Updated: 04-02-06)

Serving sizes are bullshit.
(Updated: 03-27-06)

People with muscular dystrophy are pricks.
(Updated: 03-16-06)

Proof that God exists.
(Updated: 03-09-06)

Stupid shit that girls put in their AIM profiles.
(Updated: 03-03-06)

Who is a better person: George W. Bush or Jesus Christ? An objective analysis.
(Updated: 02-26-06)

Run out of ideas for contrived porn sites? Steal one of mine.
(Updated: 02-18-06)

Underage drinking? Try a gay bar.
(Updated: 02-06-06)

Oliver Reed is the greatest man who ever lived.
(Updated: 01-26-06)

More crappy dead people's art work.
(Updated: 01-07-06)

Suck my dick.
(Updated: 12-25-05)

The South should have won the Civil War.
(Updated: 12-08-05)

I am better than dead people.
(Updated: 11-11-05)

610,509,724 people know I'm right about everything.
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